Scars
by K.I. Klasv
Summary: A bad habit.What would happen when secrets were revealed and a certain detective was caught. Now that would be telling. I love reviews,they motivate.Get ready for dark angst and crazy muses. YES I've finally found names for them!
1. A habit revealed

The dim fluorescent light shone through the dark room. Fluttering eyelids shot open. Something wasn't right.

"Ryuuzaki?" he mumbled, the chain on his hand jingling softly. Tentatively his free hand traced the links to not another hand, but to the cold bed post. _What the hell _he thought. His threw off the thin blanket covering him. Fumbling, he searched the sheets frantically for the key. Hoping that even such a strange creature as the detective L could make mistakes. He breathed a breath of relief when he found the small shape of the key beneath the said creature's pillow. Hurriedly he unlocked the handcuffs, leaving him to wander the room.

The first thing he did was make his way to the bathroom. His clumsy footsteps were muffled by the soft carpet, the darkness serving its purpose well. A dark shadow was crouched on the tiled floor, his hunched position revealing who it was almost immediately.

"Ryuuzaki?" Raito mumbled; sleep deprivation and mild shock numbing his thinking capabilities. L turned around almost lazily, the blade in his hand dropping to the floor with a clank. A row of neat X's marred his all too pale skin, as drops of crimson tears flowed down the drain. His dark eyes widened with fear before his usual mask came firmly into place. He stared silently at Raito, dark fathomless eyes unusually cold.

The ex death note owner stepped forward, worry and doubt flooding his mind. "What are you doing now?" he growled, his voice coming out harsher than he meant.

A thumb came between L's lips, the blood on his hands staining his white shirt a blossoming red. "Its nothing," he mumbled, eyes avoiding Raito's face.

"What do you mean it's nothing?" Raito muttered, stepping across the room and pinning L's hands above his head. The sleeves dropped down, revealing scars both old and new. Blood was staining his fingertips but he didn't care. Even now, Ryuuzaki refused to meet his gaze, and continued to stare at the tiled floor.

"It's a habit," he mumbled. But brown eyes still starred questioningly at him. "A cut for every murder I couldn't stop," he muttered tonelessly.

Raito kept silent, and pointed to the older scar on his other hand.

"Are those for murders you couldn't stop as well?" he whispered, faint understanding dawning.

L shook his head, "No," he paused, and chewed his lip. "Those were for every time I couldn't die," he whispered, and feeling Raito's grip on his arms loosened, he slithered out of his grasp. He meant to sweep out of the room, and hopefully drop the subject for the rest of the day at least, but Raito was quick and had grabbed his hand.

"Lemego," he mumbled, dark hair covering his eyes.

"No," answered Raito.

"You don't understand," he muttered, "this is a habit even older then my taste for confectionaries," he paused, a trail of blood leaving his lip, "It's unbreakable," he whispered.

"I can always try," Raito answered, and before the other boy could protest, planted his lips firmly on the detective. Wide black eyes stared back at him, confusion flooding those dark orbs. He smirked.

This was a start.

k.i.

* * *

This is as far as my cupboard of chastity would allow. I'm still blushing furiously because of it. I'm tempted to go hide under a bed. Childish of me, I know. But…….well, when all fails, blame the foul mouthed plot bunny!!! REVIEW PLEASE!!! IF YOU DON'T, THE COOKIE MONSTER WILL STEAL ALL OF YOUR CHOCOLATE AND MY EGO MONSTER WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Confession

L shook his head and wrenched away from Raito. "W-what are you doing, you don't just kiss a person out of pity," he sputtered, shock still apparent in the usually empty eyes.

Raito stared at the detective, "I love you, always have," he whispered.

L shook his head again. "N-no, it's not true. You can be Kira. This is just another way for you to get my name," he stuttered.

Raito looked at him, remorse in those brown eyes. "How can you say that?" he muttered, disappointment visible in his now pale face.

"No one can love me, no one," L whispered hoarsely, and ran out of the room.

Raito wanted to run after him, but he suddenly felt so tired. He sank to his knees, and fell face forwards. The darkness consumed his vision. And he fainted.

* * *

It was near three in the morning when Raito opened his eyes. His hair was wet from the wet floor, and slowly he got up. _Where's L?_ He thought. It took him a few moments before the memories of what happened last night came in place. He was rejected. The temptation to go back to sleep haunted him, but instead he went to find L. Knowing that strange creature was either sulking or most probably be munching on sweets

He hoped it was the latter. Somehow, a sweet toothed spider seemed easier to handle then a sulking teenager. He shook his head, clearing the bunch of cotton wool that was his mind. Somehow his legs were guiding him outside of their room. He was too tired to argue with his body so he just followed.

It took a few moments before he realized that he was at the fire escape entrance. Gingerly, he opened the door, and went inside into the cold. There was a shadow curled at the bottom of the stairs, shivering from the cold or something else, he wasn't sure. He just knew that the creature known as L was sitting in his normal position with a bloody shirt and his thumb in his mouth. If his eyes weren't closed, he could be mistaken as someone who was deep in thought. But Raito knew L was anything but normal. He bent down, drowsiness making his eyelids heavy. Tiredly he lifted the detective in his arms and brought him into the room. The said detective was amazingly light, but he could see the muscle hidden under the white shirt. He was strong enough to deliver a painful punch alright.

He sighed, and covered them with the thin blanket. They had at least a few hours of sleep before they had to work. He wasn't in the mood to work. Lazily, he turned his head to look at the man he fell in love with. It was amazing to think that Ryuuzaki was older than him. Just looking at his sleeping position makes you think that he was mistaken with a boy with bad posture. Only, he had seen the thinking capabilities of the socially retarded L and was strangely endeared. L could be so naïve at times.

He shook his head, letting his golden brown locks fall into his eyes. He had only shut his eyes before he was rudely awakened by strangled cries and a wild thrashing of legs. Ryuuzaki was crying. He sat up abruptly, sleep disappearing from his eyes as L thrashed and mouthed words he couldn't really hear.

"S-stop……please…..leave us alone," gasped L.

Raito stared, contemplating on whether he should wake him or let him sleep.

"I-it hurts," whimpered L.

The ex death note holder shook his head and decided that he would have to wake him. No one deserved a nightmare like this.

"Ryuuzaki," he whispered, shaking the detective's shoulders gently.

L's eyes snapped open, his body turning rigid. "W-where am I?" he muttered, ruffling his already messed up hair.

"You're in the room," whispered Raito. He closed his eyes, and let his thoughts wander for a while. "You haven't slept since we've been handcuff haven't you." He asked coldly.

Ryuuzaki shook his head. "No," he muttered ruefully. "How much did you hear," he muttered quietly.

"Not much," Raito lied.

L shut his eyes, "You should know better then to deceive me," he whispered.

Raito kept quiet. He wanted to know more, but knew this was Ryuuzaki's past he was playing with. Some secrets were better left uncovered. But he suspected what had happened. He didn't need to be a genius to figure that out.

"They tried to kill me," whispered L.

Two eyes shot wide open. The brunette certainly did not expect this. "I didn't ask." He whispered, hoping that this way they could drop this seemingly painful subject.

L nodded.

"I love you," muttered Raito remorsefully.

"I…don't….know." whispered L.

* * *

Me: Hello people!!!! I'm back. And I'm continuing the story!!!!

Goth loli Jen: yes she is, and hopefully she won't mutilate the story TOO badly.

Me: HEY!!! You're supposed to be supportive!!

Cynical L: yawns Must you yell so much?

Me: Aren't you supposed to be an insomniac?

Cynical L: Even insomniacs have to get some sleep sometimes. It's three in the morning after all.

Goth loli Jen: Whatever.

Me:Turns to face GLJ who are you and what have you done to my muse?

Goth loli Jen: I need sugar.

Me: Gives cookies.

Cynical L: shrugs Remember to review or we'll hold the chapter hostage.

Me: munch **what **munch **he** munch **said.**

Goth loli Jen: I thought those were supposed to be for me! Wails from sugar deficiency

Is ignored by others and proceeds to disintegrate into thin air.

Now to end this abnormally long authors note.

k.i.


	3. Heavy silence and another secret

Possibly against many people's wishes, I have decided to do something that many of you would detest. Think of this as slightly AU then. dodges rotten eggs and tomatoes Read and review please…………………………………

It was the first time since Raito was chained to L that he awoke _first._ At 8.39 to be exact. Normally he would celebrate, but (And that was a big _but_) with Ryuuzaki unconscious, his bloody shirt and his hand over the said detectives abdomen, things could not possibly be a good thing. He shook his head and for the second time this morning remembered that he had confessed to the sweet toothed spider. He groaned and leaned back, successfully hitting his head to the grey wall behind him. He shook his head again, wait, something was wrong. He looked to the clock again and realized what the blinking numbers meant. He groaned. They only had 15 minutes before the whole group of clowns came. He shuddered when he thought of the conclusions they might draw. His father especially, oh his father.

He sighed, and turned his head to the sleeping L. He poked, and prodded for good measure. No reaction. None whatsoever. He twisted to get a better look at the insomniac. His legs were tucked to his chest, thumb in mouth and had the air that only the unconscious had. Guilt was an emotion that Raito had to deal with recently but this was maddening. He knew how little sleep the man had, but he had to be woken. His shirt was bloody for Gods sakes.

"Ryuuzaki, wake up." He muttered.

The detective stirred, and dragged the blanket closer. Raito groaned. Taking a deep breath, he placed his arms beneath L's head and knees and brought him to the bathroom. It was only when he had dumped the weightless figure into the bathtub that Ryuuzaki stirred.

"Yagami-kun……."

"Yes?"

"Why am I in the bathtub?" he mumbled.

"You were asleep," Raito pointed out. L nodded slowly. "The team will be here soon," Raito drawled in what he hoped was a nonchalant fashion. The detective was really adorable when he was clueless.

L gave him a look which clearly said, _I'm still not following you, and you are at the risk of sounding insane. _

The ex death note holder shook his head. "What do you think they would say when they see your shirt?" Raito asked.

Ryuuzaki stared blankly at him for awhile before fingering the dried blood on his pale shirt. He nodded, the way a child would nod when they say the understood something but in actual fact have no idea.

Raito grunted in exasperation. "For someone who obviously been doing this for years, you really aren't that good at hiding it," he said sarcastically.

L nodded again naively, "Watari usually brings me some bandages for me to clean up later," he muttered carelessly.

Raito's mouth dropped open. "He knows?" he asked.

"Yes he does, he found it out quicker then you did Raito-kun," he whispered.

Raito shook his head and proceeded to turn on the tap. "Tell me if it's a little too hot okay?" he muttered. A small part of him was feeling disappointed for some reason.

Ryuuzaki starred vacantly at him. "uh…why?" he asked, eloquent vocabulary completely gone.

Raito sighed. "You don't want the shirt to pull of the scabs last night. You didn't wash the wounds yet," he muttered slowly, hoping that L would catch on. For a genius, the insomniac was really slow in the morning. Then again, this could be another test. He shook his head, dislodging that thought.

"I didn't?"

Raito shook his head. "No you didn't,"

"Oh."

The rest of the morning went quietly. They still hadn't wore the handcuffs yet but Raito had given a violent look that said, _Don't ask, _so even that idiot Matsuda could understand. Fortunately the detective with the IQ as high as Raito had decided to ignore what happened last night. Watari had served breakfast as usual, as Light watched the manservant quietly. Did he know? He watched, the butler certainly did not show any sign of something strange happening. Wait, he was too……_normal_. He had to know something.

It was only after hours of staring blankly at the screen and typing stoically that the team decided to head home and left the two geniuses to simmer at the computer tables. Raito sighed and stretched. His back ached, he didn't have enough sleep, and he was tired. Horribly so. He bent over to the other desk, and prodded L.

"Hey, Ryuuzaki, I need some sleep." He muttered quietly.

L nodded distractedly and allowed himself to be led to the bed. Raito was a little surprised at the detective's actions but after staying with him for so long he learned to expect the unexpected from the sweet toothed spider. He sighed and crept under the sheets. Ryuuzaki eyed the sheets before crawling into them, and turned to face the honor student.

"You've been awfully quiet," he said coyly.

Raito watched him for a second before nodding. "Can I ask you a question?" he asked.

"Yes," L said quietly, but there was a reserved air around him.

"In your dreams there seem to be another person you were protecting, who was he?" Raito asked quickly. Curiosity was eating him up and he was not one to brood for too long.

"That was my brother," L answered quietly. "He was such a pretty child," he mumbled.

"Is he…….." for some reason the words stuck in Raito's throat.

"He's alive," Ryuuzaki shook his head and chuckled darkly "and well,"

"He doesn't know you're his brother does he?"

L nodded. "I-I found him after a few years, and transferred him to the orphanage I came from. It seems he has a high IQ, as high as mine and possibly higher," he said sadly, but not without a sense of silent pride.

"D-does he looks like you?" Light asked, he knew he was pushing the limits, but he might as well ask now.

The detective smiled desolately, "Our mother dyed his hair white when he was a child. She said our family didn't need two black sheep's."

"What's his name?" asked Raito.

L's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why do you want to know?" he asked quietly, "You sound very much like Kira now." He paused, "But you'll never see him. I'll make sure of that." He said halfheartedly.

Light stuttered in a way that was very un-Light. "I-I just wanted to know more about your family. I just thought I could learn more about you this way," he muttered.

The two geniuses sat in cloaked silence for a while, each suspicious of the other's moves. Raito sighed and faced the wall; his head slightly spinning from the accusation. It was only after a while did something break the silence.

"It's Near," L whispered, and stared straight up to the ceiling unperturbed.

Goth Loli Jen: The said writer is currently hiding under the bed from the sun after being forced to do child labor for her parents. (She is also most probably hiding from you reviewers who might be slightly angry. She said to tell you she couldn't help it….daddadadada…. and all that nonsense)

Cynical L: Snorts. She didn't ask you to say that you know. I bet you're gonna get bonked.

Goth Loli Jen: Shrugs. Oh well, she won't know what you don't tell her…………

Cynical L: Thank you for that obvious hint oh great marshmallow. And I'll tell her when we get back. Smirks.

Goth Loli Jen: WHINES!!!!!!!!! You are evil L!!!

Cynical L: Nanananah dodges kick Read and review everyone, and get ready for a few bruised muses next time.

By proxy,

k.i.


	4. A not so stony heart, and its sugary key

I know it's been long, I know tis are short. But bear with me. I'm working on the next one. I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaacckkk!!!!!

* * *

Raito stayed up feeling crummy. Yes, crummy. He grumbled, moaned and half screamed himself to death. All of which was done inside his head of course. He vaguely remembered a class in psychology he took online that reminded him that not letting these feelings out was dangerous. 

_It must be true if my vocabulary and normal syntax is getting this trivial. Gakt, I'm becoming completely one dimensional!! This cannot be love!!! But I still feel the same!!! NO. Why wasn't anything simple? Why am I doing these mistakes?_

On and on went the conversation until his tired brain just wanted to shut down for some much needed sleep. Unlike the side which he showed L (against his better judgment) this side was the illogical part of him. Or the most analogical, as there was no such thing as no logic in a creature as complex as him. He rubbed his eyelids quietly, kneading the skin surrounding his eyes. This was too much. Why did he break down last night? Was it anger? Or was it just the fact that seeing L that weak, seeing him that vulnerable and yet still having the strength to ignore his efforts too much? He admittedly broke down. That wasn't how he wanted to tell him the truth. That wasn't what he wanted to do.

He smothered the urge to bang his head against the table. For someone with so much brains, how could he be so stupid!!!! He sighed, letting his eyes close shut. He was pretty sure the still form beside him was sleeping. The steady breathing was proof of that. Even though he needed sleep, he realized that he couldn't let his brain shut down just yet. The stress and the growing insomnia that was expanding ever since he came here was worrying. He never needed a lot of sleep even though he valued it. His current life didn't need that much psychical energy. Unlike school where he had to run between classes, avoid certain people and walk to _everywhere; _he hadn't need that much sleep then.

Right now, where his daily schedule only consisted of sleeping, working at a computer, and letting his muscles atrophy until another argument broke the ice. He squirmed. He couldn't lie and say he hated it. Truthfully he felt exhilarated when something like this happened. Although there were spaces where he could not or will not remember but it didn't matter. Those times went unnoticeable after all. He must have just shut down or something after all that stress. He sighed again, adding more pressure to his temples. Unconsciously a finger went to his lips. He still could feel the warmth and softness imprinting on his lips. He could just imagine the sweet petals pressed against his again. He could remember that glorious safety and comfort that seemed to wrap around him, squeezing all coldness from his soul. Although it wasn't his first kiss, it was the first kiss he had with a person he was sure he loved. It was, in reality, in memory, and his heart, the first most fragile and sweetest kiss he had ever given. He could understand why people waited to get intimate. He could understand then that he wanted the same from L. From his L. No longer Ryuuzaki, no longer a false name, but the first and closest name he had of the person he was sure he loved. The person that could think as clearly as him, that was fiery and manipulative. Through all the horrors that man had been through, through all the hate and fear and discrimination that was imprinted into his soul, the naivety and innocence he had seen would be forever in his spirit.

Maybe his heart wasn't so cold after all.

* * *

-Hello people 

Lynx/ cynical L/ sarcastic bastard/ sadistic genius/- yes, good evening my pretties

Klasv/ gothlolijen/ idiot savant/ creative linguistic genius/ sugar junkie/- HELOO!!!!!!! WE ARE BACK!!! AND STRONGER THEN EVER!!!

Lynx/ laughs evilly (yes, I am a sarcastic bastard and genius. If PEOPLE would listen to me then things would be a different story though!!!) But aside from that, enjoy that people. That mushy goodness that you fangirls and crack addicts enjoy

Klasv/ swats Lynx on head you're a mean one. (And I have more names and a longer genius category then you anyways : P) okay, enjoy people. But understand, this young writer here isn't as good as people tell her. She's soooo insecure rolls eyes Feedback people. Its called feedback!!!!

- Hey, I resent that. Will you both stop arguing!!! I do not want to listen to any more arguments about your names. These are yours, live with it dammit. And I'm NOT INSECURE!!!!!!!!!!! I just am not sure that my writing is any good yet. I'm working on it aren't I?

Lynx/ Yes, you're insecure, and anyways (atleastidon'thaveidiotandsugarjunkieasmynames……..) pokes klasv Well, goodnight people. Its late and parental guidance won't be happy.

Klasv/ Oyasuminasai mina!!!!

-GOOD NIGHT. FAREWELL. SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP

k.i. klasv

* * *

Hello people. Surprise. I'm awake!!! And that's only because I couldn't sleep. At all. I power napped. And if anyone asks why I look like someone punched me in the eyes, just answer that my father is a panda. (he growls enough to be one) soo……..enjoy this little drabble thingy. I wanted to put both of them together. Ignore this rant if you find it disrupts the 'mood'. LOL!!! Enjoy people, this is pretty plotless but character development. Oooh how I love characters development. I suppose I might have to say farewell to those who wanted something darker. I will do it, but not yet. Not while plot bunnies are humping in my brain. Oh well . 

* * *

L threaded carefully, stepping quietly over the bare carpet of their shared bedroom. His brain barely registered the sleeping from beside him. His bare feet made their way to the door, before he turned around and settled his eyes on Raito. A sigh escaped his lips, memories barely registering in his head. It was easy to not sleep. He didn't need that much sleep to keep his mind working after all. Just sugar and some stimulation would help. Guilt works too, he mused miserably. It was the first time he had met someone as complex. As equal, his subconscious reminded him.

Raito was perfect.

Raito was handsome.

Raito was complex. Caring. Jealous.

Brash. Impulsive. Emotional. Everything he was not. Everything that he had never had a chance to be. Everything he had wanted, at one time or another to be able to express. But he could not.

He shook his head, the unruly bangs falling into his face. Breathing deeply, he walked in his usual slouchy mechanical manner to their workstation. Or their isle, as he liked to call it in his head. (Try getting him to admit that) I wonder when that infernal meddlesome genius that rival own will come and work here together, he mused. He shook his head, resisting the urge to slam his head against a wall. He DID not just refer to Raito affectionately. Did he? Unconsciously his body led him to a chair, where his perched style reminded him of his currently situation. This was going to be very difficult. His finger made their way to his lips, his thumb sitting gently between his teeth. He did not notice the blood trickling down the inside of his palm until a sharp familiar tingle alerted him from his reverie. His mind was practically ticking over. If someone had knocked they would most probably see and hear the mechanics whirring and exerting as much effort as a sugar induced haze could administer. Speaking of which, he was running low on sugar actually. The usual craving ignited in the pit of his bottomless cavern of sugary addiction. Raito's words actually. A smile escaped his lips, the thoughts he had relaxing into a gentle humming behind his daily mask worn to function in a community based society. He was not a social person. So why was it so easy to talk to Raito? How was it that he could admit confessions that had never seen the light outside his head to Yagami-kun? How was it that someone so brash, so hormonally ruled, so impulsive, could understand him so much? Could it be that there were people apart from Watari that could listen to his rants, to his secrets, fears, and still not run away? Surely they wanted to escape him? No one could understand his uniqueness. His mind. He had battled every disorder from asperger's syndrome, autism and savant syndrome to his physical diseases.

He had been poked, prodded, experimented on and goggled at ever since he was a child because of his mind. People scare easily when someone so young surpassed all their capabilities. They felt threatened. And in turn, unknown or consciously they threatened him instead. He pulled away from society. Possibly forming his asperger's syndrome then. He had no choice. His spacing out and adverse reaction to sugar withdrawal scared people. His parents, the foster system, people. He suspected that he had epilepsy, it explained so much. But no one believed him. It wasn't until someone caved in and scanned his brain that they realized he really was sick. Didn't help that no one wanted to save him then. If not for Watari………

He shook his head, squaring his shoulders. He knew what he wanted to do know. All he needed was to prove that Raito was Kira. That would be the first step. Now he would take sugar. And think. A lot. His feet padded softly to the fridge, his fingers flexing quickly. He needed a keyboard. He needed to write this down. But first came first. Sugar. He smiled as a generous helping of strawberries dotted Swiss whipped cream, dusted with sugar and mint leaves. Perfect. As close to perfection as he would ever get. The dainty metal spoon that Watari insisted on serving it with made its way to his mouth. His lips encased the sugar filled treat, all value of health gone once it touched his tongue. His mind wandered happily around all facts and ignorance. He was ready. A rustle drew him out of his ecstasy, footsteps echoing one and the other. He allowed him a small smile. Now, for the games to start. He was jumping off the cliff, and falling into a crevice that could lead him to his downfall. But he didn't care. It was time for the truth.

k.i. klasv

* * *

Lynx/ Both of the idiots are sleeping now. They fell asleep on the computer table. Again. Seriously, why do they feel so exhausted after writing? Then again, all I do is poke holes in the plot and make fun of their characters. I am the logical side after all. Anyways. Review. Leave a comment. Rant. Anything and everything you'd like to do. Send hate mail, flames, anything you wish. I enjoy flames it gives me a chance to poke fun at reviewers and boost the other's confidence. I am stuck with them after all. Not that anythings wrong with that….. nope…..i'm fine. Perfectly. 


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